She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
