I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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