I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize