just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
