So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
