i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
