Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
