so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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