You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
