You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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