On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
