being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My ass is underappreciated
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
