youre lurking in front of me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
