In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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