If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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