Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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