on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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