This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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