So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
