i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
