I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
