Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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