what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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