God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
