I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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