she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
