Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
