Acid is not a monday night drug
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
