i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
