its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
