"it" just moved
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
