I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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