for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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