Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
