got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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