my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
