I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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