So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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