I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She needs sedatives and a leash
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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