I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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