Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
