then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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