Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
