Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
