Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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