I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
