how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
