I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
