There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
