found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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