So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
