dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
