I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
