I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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