how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
