All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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