yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
