John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
