You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
