Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
