I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
