I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
