So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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