It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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