I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize