I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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