Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
