I seem to have left my pride at pride
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
