I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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