Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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