now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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