I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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