i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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