apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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