You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
